Dear Insecure Girl
She was beautiful.
Not in the “everyone is beautiful” kind of way but in the really, really beautiful kind of way. She had long blonde hair, flawless skin, and style that oozed cuteness.
With my blondish, brownish frizzy hair, not-so-flawless skin, and style that oozes “hot mess,” I was the one with the microphone. I was the speaker at an event at her church for girls and women that weekend, and it was time for a Q & A. Anyone could ask me anything. I thought she was so brave for throwing her hand up with her momma sitting right beside her and 300 other women around her. I thought she was really brave when she asked this question,
“What would you say to a girl who feels like she’s not enough? I’m just not very confident. How can I deal with this insecurity?”
I bet I could cut and paste most of you into her seat. You know what it’s like to feel insecure. For some of you, it feels like that’s all you know. So, what did I say to her? What would I say to you? Here’s my advice for insecure girls everywhere . . .
Insecurity has always been a part of girlhood.
Grab your Bible and read the story of the first girl to ever live in Genesis 1–3.
Eve was beautiful. She was created perfectly. To top it off, she was the only girl in the whole world. Miss America goes to . . . Eve! Miss Universe? Eve wins that too! The most popular girl in the world? Yep, that was Eve. It seems like under those circumstances it would be impossible for Eve to feel insecure. But, that wasn’t the case.
Check out how the Enemy tempts her.
“But the serpent said to the woman, ‘You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil” (Gen. 3:5).
“You will be like God.”
Read between those lines. What he was really saying is, “You are not enough. You need to be more, Eve. You must find a way to measure up.”
The bait worked. Eve was desperate to quiet her insecurity, and she took a bite of the forbidden fruit.
For so many years, I thought insecurity was just part of being a girl. Every girl I knew was insecure. It seemed that it had always been that way and always would be. We need to get real about the fact that this is one of the Enemy’s tactics. If he can get us to fix our eyes on ourselves and all the ways we fall short, we will inevitably take our eyes off of Christ and all the ways He is enough. This has been true since the very beginning of womanhood, but it doesn’t have to be the way your story goes.
God doesn’t leave you guessing.
God doesn’t leave us guessing about our value and worth to Him. Several years ago, my world was totally rocked when I opened my Bible and prayed this prayer . . .
“God show me how you feel about me.”
I didn’t find some cute, little slogan about how God loves me the way that I am (even though that’s true). I didn’t find just a few compliments here and there. What I found was that from Genesis to Revelation, God’s Word declares God’s deep, everlasting, and dependable love and acceptance of me. You don’t have to take my word for it. In fact, I’d love for you to go digging into God’s Word for yourself for answers about His feelings toward you. But here is a snapshot.
- You bear the image of God (Gen. 1:27).
- God loves you with everlasting love. That means His love will not run out, dry up, or change (Jer. 31:3).
- You were created with fear and wonder (Ps. 139:14).
- The king is enthralled by your beauty (Ps. 45:11).
- He knows every detail of who you are. He studies you like an artist studies his masterpiece or a groom studies his bride to be (Matt. 10:30).
- You were bought at a price (1 Cor. 6:20).
When insecurity knocks at your door, these are the truths you should run to. When the voice in your head screams, “You are not enough!” You can stand up straight and say, “I am enough for Jesus” with God’s Word as your backbone.
The Choice Every Girl Has to Make
Those are some powerful truths. God has clearly declared that you are deeply loved and highly valued by Him. With that in mind, here is the question you must ask . . .
Will I let the promises of God be enough for me, or . . .?
- Will I need what God says about me and the love of a boy to feel okay?
- Will I need what God says about me and to be the most popular girl in school to feel okay?
- Will I need what God says about me and to lose fifteen pounds to feel okay?
- Will I need what God says about me and a new wardrobe to feel okay?
- Will I need what God says about me and to be valedictorian to feel okay?
I can’t do anything about fat days. I don’t have a magic wand that can clear up your skin and trick out your closet. (Or I would wave it for myself, for sure!) But eventually I had to ask myself, “In light of all that God says about me, shouldn’t these things matter less?”
Ultimately, insecurity is about unbelief. We don’t believe that we are who God says that we are. The tentacles of insecurity started to loosen their grip on my heart when I finally chose to believe God’s Word about my worth and value and decided to let it be enough.
The Secret to Confidence
Time has taught me a secret I wish I’d known as a teenager—the prettiest girls are the most confident girls. They’re not necessarily confident because they’re pretty. They’re pretty because they’re confident.
People are always drawn to a girl who knows who she is and isn’t afraid to show it. If you’re a Christian, that’s who you are. You are the daughter of the King of kings! Be that 100%. Be confident in your value to Him and the beauty that He created for you to showcase. I promise, people will be drawn to your confidence. Then you will have the opportunity to point them to the source of true beauty.
To the sweet girl in the crowd and all of the insecure girls reading this blog . . .
Insecurity doesn’t have to be a part of your story. You can be confident in who God says that you are. The Bible tells us that is the secret to unlocking true beauty.
“Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious” (1 Peter 3:3–4).