Many women feel like a failure as a woman. I know that oftentimes I do. A failure as a human being, really. It has underscored just about everything I have done and everything I have been kept from doing. But I am not a failure as a human being or as a woman. In some core place deep within, I know this. I fail, yes. But I am not a failure. I disappoint. But I am not a disappointment. Yet when I find myself struggling again – losing the battle for my beauty, my body, my heart – I can sure feel like a failure in every way. And isn’t that true for every woman? Don’t we all have secret places where we are not living in the victory we long for, and that colors how we see ourselves? Doesn’t it go on to become a barrier between us and the people in our lives? A wall separating us from the love of God?
Or is it just me?
I didn’t think so.
Sometimes we feel hopeless to ever change, simply because our personal history is filled with our failed attempts to change. Where was that angel who is supposed to be guarding our tongue and preventing those harsh words from lashing out at our children? Where did that fruit of the Spirit go empowering us to be self-controlled and pass by the donut section? God has not given me a spirit of fear, so why am I so consumed with worry over my children, my finances, my future? If the fear of man is a snare, why do I still find I am terrified of exposing my true self and then being rejected? My addiction and bondage to food has been revealed as a liar and a thief, and yet in the moment of pain, too often I still turn to it.
He has not turned his face away. The very fact that we long for the change we do is a sign that we are meant to have it. Our very dissatisfaction with our own weaknesses and struggles points to the reality that continuing to live in our weaknesses and struggles is not our destiny. Read those two sentences again. Let hope rise. Why are you struggling with the things you do? There is a reason. It is found in the life you have lived, the wounds you have received, what you have come to believe about yourself because of them and not having a clue as to how to bear your sorrow. It is also because of who you are meant to be.
It is not too late. It is not too hard. You are not too much. God’s mercies are new every morning. There is mercy in his eyes right now.
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