Can I Live Happily with My Wife?


How can a husband live happily with his wife? When a husband takes the initiative in love, his wife responds positively and respectfully!

A soldier who trains Army Rangers read Love & Respect.

“I saw the ways I had mistreated my wife – ways I didn’t mean. I saw things I had said, little things that didn’t matter to me. I saw how it affected my wife. I finally understood why my wife felt so confused and hurt. I read more and applied what I learned. I asked God to give me loving words.

“She responded. I could feel the hurt and sadness ease.”

The Lord knows that as a husband loves his good-willed wife, she will respond to his loving demeanor and actions.

In effect, this Ranger did what Solomon instructs husbands in Ecclesiastes 9:9. “Live happily with the woman you love…”

This Ranger figured out that his love caused his wife to respond!


I am not holding the husband 100% responsible to initiate, only 51%. A wife possesses 49% power!

When a wife shows respect, a good-willed husband responds! A wife writes, “I thought I would be the mature one and take the initiative to make our relationship better. And it has!”

But I wish to encourage husbands with their simple majority power of initiating love.


I don’t know if a wife is hard-wired to respond but many wives yearn for their husbands to initiate loving actions to which she can respond.

Listen to these comments:

  • I expressed that I want him to take the initiative to be the leader and man of the relationship. I am not happy in the situation where he wants me to make all of the decisions.
  • Just once, it would be so sweet if he would take the initiative.
  • I don’t want to have to tell him everything I want or need him to do. I want him to notice.
  • He makes me the decision maker of our home. He agrees with every decision, but I still don’t like it. I want him to take the headship role and make life-changing decisions for us.


Why can you live happily with your wife? When a husband takes the initiative in love, his wife responds positively and respectfully! That spells happiness.


1. A church leader wrote to me: “We were finding that one of the needs of women is to be taken care of and have her husband initiate things (projects around the house, housework, spiritual leadership, etc.) and how this is missing from the wife’s needs for love.”Why is this true with so many wives?

2. A wife shares, “My husband and I have begun reading Love & Respect… I’m happy because he picked it up on his own initiative.”What if you purchased this book to read with your wife, how might she respond? Or, what if you just shared your day with her? Our Ranger said: “I shared my day with her and it lit her up…”

3. At our Love and Respect marriage conference, I state that wives want their marriages more positive. “Surprise me! Romance me! Make me laugh!” Which of these three can you do this week? The Ranger wrote, “I hadn’t made my wife laugh in a while but I’ve made her crack up, making her laugh over and over.”

4. “As a Ranger, I don’t run from gun fights. I no longer run from my wife when things get messy.” Does initiation entail staying engaged during negative moments? Why?

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