Be Your Spouse’s Biggest Fan


If you’re married, God has given you an incredibly important role: to be your spouse’s biggest fan. Pastor Rick Warren looks at Hebrews 3:13 to share what the Bible says about this.

“Encourage each other every day while it is ‘today.’” (Hebrews 3:13a NCV)

If you’re married, God has given you an incredibly important role: to be your spouse’s biggest fan. It’s a job only you can do in the way God desires, and your spouse desperately needs you to do it.

We live in a world full of critics. We don’t have to look far to find someone who will put us down.

That’s why every person on the planet desperately needs to be affirmed by someone on a regular basis. It’s how God wired us. If you’re married, one such person should be your spouse. To have a growing marriage, it’s essential for you and your spouse to build into your marriage continual affirmation of one another.

More than likely, it’s something that was a part of your marriage in the beginning. Few people will marry someone who doesn’t affirm them in some way. But like so many other parts of a growing marriage, it often fades over the course of time.

The Bible says in Hebrews 3:13, “Encourage each other every day while it is ‘today’”(NCV). What should you affirm in your spouse?

  1. Affirm the value of your spouse. When you’re dealing with houses, the word “appreciate” means to rise in value. You raise the value of other people when you appreciate them. As you appreciate your spouse, you help your spouse see the value you place on him or her, and you raise the value of your marriage. Proverbs 12:25 says, “A word of encouragement does wonders” (LB). A word of encouragement will do wonders for your marriage — or any other relationship you’re in.
  2. Affirm the strengths of your spouse. You will bring out the best in your spouse when you point out his or her best, not by pointing out his or her worst. Choose to be a dream builder, not a dream buster. We ultimately become what other people see in us. No person in your spouse’s life will impact his or her self-identity, and ultimately his or her future, like you. 
  3. Affirm the ministry of your spouse. Let your spouse know how much you appreciate what he or she does for God’s sake in the world. You can each make unique contributions to the world. Cheer your spouse on as he or she makes contributions. Help your spouse see the impact being made for Jesus’ sake.

We have incredible power over our spouses’ understanding of themselves. We can use that power to build them up or tear them down. It’s our choice.

And it’s one of the most important choices we make for the health of our marriage.

Talk It Over

  • What does your spouse affirm in you that impacts your life in an important way?
  • What keeps us from affirming our spouses more consistently?
  • What about your spouse could you affirm more often?

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