Are We Meant to Be?


Carla Barnhill responds to a reader who is romantically attracted to an already attached friend.

I feel drawn to her, like maybe we're "meant to be."

Q. I like a girl I've been friends with for a while. But she already has a boyfriend, and I often find myself hoping they will break up soon. I feel drawn to her, like maybe we're "meant to be." I like to think we may get married. Is that a stupid idea? Is there anything I can do about this situation?

A. If she's your friend, then you have two options. You can hold out for a breakup that may or may not happen. Of course, even if your friend and her boyfriend break up, there's no guarantee the two of you will end up together. The other option is to live your life. Can you guess which one I'm going to suggest?

I'm not saying you need to date someone else while you still have feelings for this girl. It would be terribly unfair to date another girl and then drop her when the girl you really like becomes available. Instead, join a club, find a hobby, get more involved with your youth group. Keep growing and developing and becoming the kind of person you want to be. Who knows? All that activity might lead you toward a girl you like even more than this one.

Even if it doesn't, there's something you need to know. The feelings you have for this girl, as intense and real as they are, will probably fade away. Very few teen romances last into adulthood. So I must encourage you not to waste a lot of time and energy hoping and dreaming for this girl to fall in love with you.

You probably won't be ready to get married for at least a few more years. So spend that time enjoying the life God gave you and trusting that he wants the very best for you. The prophet Jeremiah wrote, "For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'" (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV). There are good things in store for you, so don't worry about marriage or soul mates right now.

Written by Carla Barnhill

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