Amy and Michael Smalley suggest applying the Golden Rule to your marriage—and then watching what happens!

Do for your spouse what you want done to you. The trouble is not with the law but with me, because I am sold into slavery, with sin as my master. I don’t understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do the very thing I hate. Reference?

These are Paul’s words as written in Romans chapter seven, and these are the words of the suffering. Not the impoverished who suffer, but rather the people like you and us who suffer every day, every week trying to get our relationship to a place where it brings us happiness. We want to do the right thing, but we still manage to make a mess of things. We struggle, we fall, we humiliate ourselves—all in the pursuit of a happy marriage.

One of the biggest themes of the Bible is personal responsibility. God does not do the work for us when it comes to salvation. Salvation is ours because we choose to believe that Jesus is who He said He is. The Bible does not promote victims—the Bible promotes strength, courage, perseverance, righteousness, patience, kindness, mercy, grace, selflessness, hope, and much, much more.

What is the theme that binds all of this together? Personal responsibility. None of the things God asks of us is possible without us taking action and doing it ourselves. The same is true for marriage. A great marriage is not because you are compatible or married the one and only person on earth who was right for you. Great marriages happen because two individuals do the work to make the marriage great.

All we are asking of you is to take a look at what you can do to make a difference in your marriage. We wish we could develop some magical pill to make your marriage the absolute best, but alas, that kind of pill is not possible. What we can do is show you how to behave better and to take the power of your own change to make a positive impact on the marriage.

There are no guarantees—and anyone who tries to sell you that line is a liar. But we can assure you that if you take the time to get as healthy as possible, you will change. And when you change, your spouse will take notice.