A Single Guy's Thoughts


Bethany Baird talks to a young, single man about the qualities he's looking for in his future wife.

I recently interviewed a young man who is striving to honor God with his life as a single guy. I asked him five different questions and wanted to hear his honest opinion on each topic. I was encouraged and challenged by his answers, and I think you will be too.

Q. What are some of the most important qualities you are looking for in a future wife?

A. The first thing that I will be looking for is someone who fears and loves the Lord and places Him first in her life. Proverbs 31:30 says, "charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." If a girl has put Christ first in her life, she'll have the rest of her priorities in proper order and view them in the right perspective. When a girl (or a guy for that matter) has a big view of God, problems will seem small in comparison. If her view of God is small, however, life's problems will seem insurmountable.

Another quality I will be praying for is a girl who is respectful and submissive to her dad. This doesn't simply mean doing what he says, but doing what he says with a good "heart attitude" as well as a good attitude outwardly. I currently know a girl who thinks that her father is obnoxious. I also know a different young lady who can't stop talking about how amazing her dad is. The comparison between the two girls is drastic! Honestly, it's depressing to be with the girl who acts like her dad is a burden, but refreshing to be with my friend who loves her dad! God has placed a young woman's dad in her life during this time and if she is unsatisfied with his authority now, it's a possibility she will not be the godly wife God intended her to be. Girls, respect and honor your dad.

Q. What advice would you give to a single girl who is preparing for marriage?

A. I would say this: Make sure you're seeking the Lord in everything, and place Him first in your life. There are a lot of distractions in this world: music, friends, movies. . . the list goes on and on. Some of these things might not be bad, but are they the best use of our time? As a guy, I ask myself this question all the time. If I don't, I'll get sidetracked and use the time God has given me for frivolous things instead of using it to accomplish God-honoring, purposeful things.(Note: For more on using your time wisely, be sure to check out Bethany's post tomorrow).

Spend your time wisely—if you get married (or even if you remain single), you don't want to look back and wish you would have invested your time wisely (e.g. reading your Bible or helping others) instead of seeing the latest blockbuster.

Another thing I would suggest is being careful with your relationships. Guard your heart in every relationship. An emotional attachment to a guy before you're ready for marriage is definitely not a good thing. The possibility of you marrying the person whom you are involved with is small, and when you have a spouse these past relationships will only invade your marriage.

Finally, pray for both your dad and your future husband. I can't stress the importance of this. I'm praying for my future wife, and I hope she's praying for me as well.

Q. What do you find unattractive about a girl?

A. A girl who seeks everyone's attention. Not only does this show she is prideful, but that she will do anything to get attention. Whether it's dressing provocatively, speaking more loudly than anyone around, or a handful of other things, it's very unattractive to me. As a guy, I find a girl who is humble and has a modest character more charming than one who is loud and obnoxious. This doesn't mean you can't be the life of the party—just don't be the "loud lady folly" (Prov. 9:13).

Q. Why do you think girls should dress modestly?

A. Because it honors both her future husband and the guys around her. First Timothy 2:9 says, "likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control." Dressing modestly draws a guy's eyes away from your body and to your face, where his attention should be directed anyway. Our culture flaunts the idea that the more skin you show, the more guys will be drawn to you. However, a guy striving to follow Christ will appreciate a cute, modest outfit on a girl—and he can actually have a conversation with her without wondering where to place his eyes. Dressing modestly also shows respect for your brothers in Christ who are around you and for your future husband. If the Bible says to honor your husband, don't you think one way to honor him would be by wearing clothes that don't draw attention to your body? Your body is reserved for your future husband and nobody else.

Q. Why is a girl's relationship with God important?

A. I was recently traveling with a wise friend and mentor of mine, who is also the president of a large ministry. He is constantly sharing bits of wisdom that he has learned over the years, both from life and from constant study of the Word of God. One evening, he surprised me by asking what I'm looking for in a wife. After a brief pause, I named the first thing that came to mind, a quality in a woman that surpasses every other—"I want the girl I marry to love the Lord with all her heart, soul, mind, and strength." I was about to go on, when my friend stopped me. He said, "That's it right there. You don't need to go any farther. If you find a girl who loves the Lord with all her heart, soul, and mind, every other quality will fall into place." What wisdom! Am I expecting a girl who places God first in her life to be perfect? Of course not—we're all sinners. But having a love for God that surpasses a love for anything or anyone else will make a girl stand out as she builds Christ-like qualities and matures into a God-fearing woman.

What sticks out to you about this guy's answers? What would you ask him in return if given the chance?

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