I am amazed at the invitations of God to find Him anew in some profound and deep way again and again over the years.
Long and true are the stories of victory, healing, growth and intimacies with God we each have and share, yet, we are always unfinished, in need of more, thirsting and longing for another story of His work in our soul. I am a different man than I was thirty years ago, twenty years ago, ten years ago… two years ago—and I hope to be much further along in my holiness/communion in the years ahead. Much, much further.
These last weeks, actually 2 months, have been memorably disruptive as God has pointed out a barren place He wants to inhabit.
It’s seems premature to draw clear lessons from what’s unfolding, yet I had to begin to speak about it and in doing so, hope that more clarity would come.
Recently, I spent some time with a gifted sage who shared all he saw in seeing me.
He saw things about me I couldn’t believe, both glorious and marred. With unique gifting and skill he confronted and called out things in my heart, soul and relational style that some have seen and felt but haven’t put words to. Both glorious and marred.
I’d be embarrassed and ashamed, at the moment, to share some of what he saw. We are… I am both a trophy of grace and a man so in need of more grace.
Much of our time was spent on my relational style… my heart and desires are good... but in significant ways, my heart is not seen or felt... not present to some. It was disorienting to find that in some ways I don’t see clearly. I do more so now… but, as it is when you get that first pair of glasses, I’m a little dizzy. I’m so grateful for my sage and his eyes. He sees what I can’t and is courageous enough to share a bit of what he sees in seeing me.
A couple of weeks ago a John and I went fishing on the Green River in Utah. With a guide we floated the river and had a phenomenal time fly fishing. The Guide knows this river having fished it most days of the year…for years and years. I think he knows every fish we caught; he certainly knew where they hang out! In any case, though he and I were wearing similar sunglasses, and looking at the same stretch of water he saw trout I didn’t. He’d point to a seam in the stream 20 feet away and say, “Craig, cast to those 5 big browns in the far side of that seam 10 feet from the pyramid shaped rock”. I see the rock, I see the seam, but I don’t see the fish. Time and time again throughout the trip he kept observing, pointing out and enjoying the vast number of fish lurking in the eddies and currents of the Green. I rarely saw what he did. I kept telling him, “You see trout that I don’t!”
We need guides. Guides who see things we don’t. A strong, loving, kind sage that delivers God’s invitation to the more God has for us in the deepest parts of our soul. The invitation to life.
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