5 Steps to Getting Over Your Ex


Singleness is not incompleteness; it is a gift, a blessing. Carmen Miller provides tips for getting over your ex.

Surviving A Breakup With God's Help

Breaking up is never easy, whether you are the one doing the breaking up or the one being broken up with. Let's face it. Even for us Christians, breaking up is never fun. But when it all settles, and we take a moment to reflect on the relationship, it won't be long until we see where it all went wrong. More importantly, when we truly begin to seek God and His will for our lives—including love lives—then we can start desiring what He desires for our hearts. So, fear not, the Lord is with you during these difficult times.

1. Big girls do cry. It's okay to cry. There's no reason denying that it hurts. Sometimes getting a good cry in can be a catalyst to moving on and moving forward. Keep in mind not to spend too much time in this season though. Remind yourself of why you aren't together in the first place.

Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning. - Psalm 30:5

2. Cut off all contact. Don’t try to be friends with your ex right now. Don’t try and hang out with his guy friends either. Do not text him when his favorite song plays on the radio. The easiest, fastest and healthiest way to get over your ex is to initiate clear boundaries from the beginning. Unfriend him on Facebook, unfollow him on Twitter, and stop getting your hair and nails done with his momma (yes, it's that serious). Refrain from stalking his social networks, because it will only prolong your healing process.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. - Philippians 4:13

3. Spend time with your sisters in Christ. Now is not the time to hang out with your worldly friends just to bash your ex, go clubbing, and get wasted. Also consider that if this is only a season of separation for you both, slandering him to your friends and mutual friends will leave things a little awkward if there is a reconciliation. Seek out your godly friends for support. Let them pour into your life and pray for you. When you are out with your girlfriends, don't just dwell and reflect on your breakup, rather ask about their lives, relationships, etc.

A friend of all the world will prove himself a bad friend, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. - Proverbs 18:24

4. Spend even more time with Jesus. Fill the time that you use to spend with your ex with Jesus and watch what a difference you will see very fast. Have date night's with Jesus. Create a beautiful, quiet, and romantic atmosphere with candles and get your Bible. Go back to your first love. Let Jesus heal your heart from the inside out. Sometimes we get so caught up in our relationships that we can lose our identity. Let God remind you that your identity, and your worth were always in Him not in your ex! Go as hard for Jesus during this time as you did for your man. Give yourself time to heal slowly. When you are having a bad day and tempted to call your ex, put your phone down and fall on your face. Cry out to Jesus. Know that He will heal your broken heart. He truly does work things out for the ultimate good.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. - Proverbs 3:5-6

5. Stay single. This is not the time to go and get into a rebound relationship. This is your season for healing, restoration, and redemption. God draws near to the brokenhearted. Use this time to spend with Jesus (refer to #4). Right now you are carrying baggage filled with hurt, bitterness, anger, and sadness. Give God a chance to do a major uproot cleaning in that heart. Give your "Boaz" a fair shot when the time comes. You can't give him that if you're still carrying around past hurts. Focus on your season of singleness and become intimate with Christ. Learn Him all over again. Remaining at His feet is reassurance that healing and breakthrough is right around the corner. So what if everyone else is in a relationship.

Singleness is not incompleteness. It is a gift, a blessing. Being single doesn't necessarily mean you're unavailable. Sometimes you've got to put a sign up that says, "do not disturb, God is working on my heart."

Keep in mind that this season allows for more undivided time between you and the True Lover of your soul.


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