5 Possible Reasons a Wife Feels Her Husband Hates Her
Wives have asked me time and time again, “Why does my husband hate me?”
I hurt for these women, then I ask them to tell me more.
From the many stories I’ve heard over the years, I have discovered five possible answers to the question.
Read about them briefly.
1. THE HUSBAND TRULY HATES HER
I say this with great sadness, but he has chosen to hate you for reasons having little to do with you. You have loved him and treated him respectfully, but he has become bitter and hateful.
But TO THE REST OF YOU I want to give you hope. It might not be that he hates you at all. There is a misunderstanding.
2. THE HUSBAND MERELY ECHOES “I HATE YOU” AFTER SHE SAYS IT FIRST
In an argument you were the first to yell, “I hate you!” and he echoed, “I hate you!” right back.
He no more means it than you do.
3. THE WIFE HATES HERSELF AND PROJECTS THIS ONTO HIM
He does not hate you, but you hate yourself and wrongly assume he feels about you the way you feel about yourself.
A wife can see herself as fat and ugly, and so assumes her husband sees her as fat and ugly, too. She feels that she is a horrible mother and concludes her husband views her as a horrible mom, as well.
When we do not like ourselves, we find it next to impossible to think anyone else likes us.
4. THE WIFE ASSUMES HE HATES HER DUE TO HIS LACK OF APOLOGIZING
“But, Emerson, I know he hates me because he never says he is sorry.”
“He never apologizes to me. He closes me off for hours. Admittedly after our arguments he approaches me, tries to tickle me to make me laugh or invites me to watch T.V., but no apology. This has been his mode of operation for years. I question his love. I would never treat him this way and I love him. If he loved me, he’d seek my forgiveness. I can only conclude that he secretly hates me.”
I hear your womanly heart, but many men apologize by making loving gestures, even though they may not use the words, “I am sorry, will you forgive me?”
As unacceptable as this method is to most women, it shows that he does not hate her.
5. THE HUSBAND DOES NOT HATE, BUT FEELS DISRESPECTED AND REACTS
Because you have shown him disrespect, he reacts in ways that feel unloving to you; thus you feel he hates you.
The truth is your husband loves you, but he thinks you do not like him or that you feel disrespect for him.
In my book Love & Respect, I address the Crazy Cycle–without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love.
Before you claim your husband hates you, reconsider whether you have been spinning on the Crazy Cycle.
As one gal emails, “He acted like he hated me. But after reading Love and Respect, I apologized for not giving him respect and not acknowledging he deserved respect for working at a job he hated in order to support his family all those years. His eyes teared up and he just held me tight. When I told him that I apologized to the girls (ages 28, 23 & 18) for not respecting him and for setting such a bad example, it was like I let the air out of a balloon. He just didn’t seem to have any nasty things left to say.”
Does your husband hate you? I don’t know your situation. What I do know is that if he does not, the best way to find out is move toward him like this wife did.
Let the air out of his balloon.