5 Actions to End Marriage Money Wars


Don’t allow battles about money to undermine your relationship with your husband or wife.

When the ancient city of Pompeii was excavated, a body was found that had been embalmed by the ashes of Vesuvius. It was a woman whose feet were turned toward the city gate while her face was turned backward toward something that lay just beyond her outstretched hands.

The prize for which she was reaching was a bag of pearls. Perhaps she dropped them as she was fleeing for her life. Maybe she found them where they had been dropped by another doomed citizen. Either way, certain death was at her heels, but she could not shake off the appeal of the pearls. Just when she turned to pick them up, the hot ash found her—and left her forever frozen in an attitude of greed.

The Bible contains more than 1,000 references to prayer and faith—but there are twice as many references to money and possessions. Out of the 38 parables of Jesus, almost half deal with how to handle money. One of the least recognizable but perhaps most important Bible references comes from Solomon as written in the book of Ecclesiastes: “He who loves money will not be satisfied with money, nor he who loves wealth with his income; this also is vanity.” (Ecclesiastes 5:10 ESV)

This brings needed perspective to how you should feel about money and possessions; they are not to be loved or prioritized above your relationships, especially your marriage. Yet Solomon does provide advice on marriage in that same book: “Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life.” (Ecclesiastes 9:9 ESV)

Now ask yourself: “Is my attitude toward money—even problems with spending, debt, or paying monthly bills—taking away my enjoyment of my spouse and marriage?” Don’t allow battles about money to undermine your relationship with your husband or wife.

Follow these helpful steps:

  1. With a focus on cooperation and not competition, talk about money issues with your spouse.
  2. If needed, seek godly counsel from a qualified financial counselor or expert.
  3. Come up with a plan to address the issue, no matter how sacrificial it may require you to be.
  4. Work the plan and revise it as needed to meet your monetary goals.
  5. Establish (or reestablish) trust and mutual accountability with your spouse about money.


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