When being single becomes tough and feels overwhelming, it can cause you to try to force your desire for a mate into God’s present will for you. You are on the lookout for love, and you try to speed up the process so you can change your situation. When we move ahead of God’s plan for us, we have the tendency to sin or to settle for something less than God’s will. God is not a God of settling. He wants to give you His best. This post outlines four mistakes singles often make when waiting on God’s will in the realm of singleness and dating.

"Beware of the Snares: Avoid 4 Common Mistakes Singles Make" by Leilani Glassmyer

1) Settling: 

To accept or agree to something that one considers to be less than satisfactory.  

Settling usually occurs after a long period of being single (or a short period, depending on the person), and we’ve decided that “waiting on God” is taking too long.  We start getting nervous thinking of the prospects (or loss of prospects), our age, and all the other what-ifs. God is not a God of settling, He is a God that has always given more than the best to His children.  We decide if we settle, not God.

You are not missing out; you are getting in position for God to bring the right one to you, in His timing.  Anything less than that will inevitably fail and bring unnecessary heartbreak.

2) Blind to Red Flags: 

Lacking perception, awareness, or discernment. 

In order not to be blind to red flags, you must be very clear on what red flags are to you in a person and/or a relationship.  Also, be aware of blind spots in your relationships in the past in order to avoid them in the future. Remember, old ways won’t open new doors.  I will list some common red flags that you should be alert to.

Common Red Flags:

• Easily angered
• Controlling
• Jealous
• Critical of you
• Inconsistent
• Lies (even white lies)
• Unreliable

3) Dating a Lukewarm Christian: 

“He’s kinda a Christian.  He says he loves God.”

Have you ever thought that when you were interested in someone?   

“Lukewarm people don't really want to be saved from their sin; they want only to be saved from the penalty of their sin.”- Francis Chan

You will know a lukewarm Christian when you observe him or her.  Some may be more stealth at hiding their luke-warmness, but the proof is in their fruit!

So, ladies... check his fruit, not his mouth. A lukewarm Christian man will be incapable of leading you anywhere but to him, so be extremely cautious.

One of my favorite poets is Janette Ikz.  In her poem, “I Will Wait for You,” she hits the nail on the head.

“So it seemed that it was cool, for everyone to be in a relationship but me.
So I took matters into my own hands, and ended up with him.
Him who displayed the characteristics of a cheater, a liar, an abuser, and a thief.

So why was I surprised when he broke into my heart?
I called 911, but I was cardiac arrested for aiding and abetting,
Cause it was me who let him in…
Claiming we were “just friends”.
It was already decided for me by the first date, that even if he wasn’t
I was gonna make him ‘The One’
You know, I was tired of being alone.
And I simply made up in my mind, that it was about that time.

So I decided to drag him along for the ride,
Cause I was always the bridesmaid and never the bride.
A virgin in the physical, but mentally just a grown woman on the corner in heat!
Who was tired of the wait!
So I was gonna make him ‘The One’.
He had a… form of Godliness… but not much.
But hey, hey I can change him! So (honey) I’ll TAKE him, I mean he’s close… enough...

I will no longer date, socialize or communicate with carbon copies of you
To appease my boredom or to quench my thirstiness I have for attention
And short-lived compliments from ‘sorta kindas’.

You know….
He ‘sort kinda’ right, but ‘sorta kinda’ wrong?
His first name LUKE,
His last name WARM.
I, I won’t settle for false companionship
I won’t lay in the embrace of his arms.”

4) Peer/Family Pressure: 

I’m sure you have been at a family function and had someone ask, “So are you dating anyone?” 

You reply with a “no,” quickly to move it along.

Meanwhile, everyone’s ears have perked up to hear your answer.  In your mind, you're thinking, “Move along there’s nothing to see here.” 

Everyone around you is getting into a relationship so you should, too.  However, don’t feel pressured to go on a blind date that your friend wants to fix you up with or do anything you're not ready to do.

God sees you, all of you.  Stay the course because the one for you will come.  Continue to seek His Kingdom and His Righteousness first. 

Pray
God, sometimes it is hard to wait on You. I don’t always understand Your will for me, but I want to remain on the path You have chosen for me. Help me realize when I’m making these mistakes, and help me refocus on You.

Reflect
Am I trying to get ahead of God in the realm of dating? Do I use any of the excuses or make the mistakes outlined in the post?

Respond
Review the four points in the post, and be honest with yourself about how are you are responding while you are waiting on God.

When you are in a rush to get to your future, you run the risk of making poor choices—choices that God doesn’t desire for you. Stay in tune with God and your relationship with Him so you can avoid settling for something that is outside of His will for your life. As you do so, you will learn to trust in His timing and His plan. In the next post, find out more about staying focused on God’s plan and how He wants you to grow during this time in your life.