When you remember that a woman’s persona is intricately connected to her emotions, it’s easier to understand why she reacts as she does. It’s as if she has a bucket inside her that she fills with her emotional responses to life; it’s where she stores her joy, sadness, excitement, anger, frustration, envy and delight. Most of the time, she has firm grasp on its handles, but sometimes her bucket fills up faster than she expects and her emotions pour out. Fast and furious. And directed at YOU. Today, learn how to deal with the rush of emotions when a woman’s bucket gives way!

"Marriage and Meltdowns" by Darcy Kimmel

I had a meltdown the other day. A major meltdown—tears, yelling—the whole nine yards. Those of you who know me are probably picking your jaw up from the table right now—thinking two things. One, she always seems so calm and collected.  I had no idea she was capable of loosing it big time. And two, wow, I wish I would have been there!

Well, you wouldn’t have been disappointed. As far as meltdowns go, it was a masterpiece. And the funny thing about it is that what precipitated it was not some major item. No, instead it was the final drop in the bucket that sent the rest over the edge. Kind of like the eruption of an infinity pool of emotions.

And poor Tim, as always, he’s the one who took the shrapnel of this explosion. You see, I’ve spoiled Tim when it comes to emotional outbursts. If I could just let off a little steam daily or even weekly, it might not result in this major meltdown, but I tend to keep things together until the final straw is thrown on the heap about two or three times a year. And then Tim does what I think is typical for a lot of men. He tries to fix it with an immediate solution that addresses the final straw but overlooks the rest of the hay stack. That well intended, but often misplaced advice, can sometimes just add fuel to the fire.

I think most of the time, we women would rather have a listening ear, a validation of our feelings and the question that can bring hope and relief to our crazy world—“What can I do to help?”

Here would be my answer to that comforting question:

• Please just listen...to my words as well to as my heart
• Don’t immediately come in with a logical solution because this is not a logical problem
• After you’ve listened and then realize there is not a simple solution, take responsibility for any part you may have played in this meltdown
• Then say those magic words again: “What can I do to help?
• Add a “honey” to the question and let me offer a few solutions

Meltdown over. The world is right again and not too much damage has been done. Now it’s time to make up!

If it weren’t for God’s grace in our marriage for the last 41 years, our story could be over with as a couple or at least a very sad story. 

Here’s to last straws and first kisses...!

Pray
Jesus, even You had occasional meltdowns. You became so angry that you tossed tables in a synagogue. Help us understand our combustible emotions during a meltdown, and help us deal with the issues that caused it—big or small.

Reflect
How do we respond to one another during a meltdown? Is it productive?

Respond
Discuss the bullet points the author uses to answer the question, “What can I do to help?” Use this content as a tool to help you communicate in a meltdown.

Men, today you got some tips on how to understand your woman’s emotions. Women, did you identify with some of your traits? The purpose of trying to understand each other is to draw you closer together. Therefore, it is important to understand what each of you needs in order to work together to build a strong and secure relationship. Our next post will look at individual insecurities to help you understand each other’s perspective.