Not only do men and women communicate differently, but they also think about and respond to intimacy differently. Intimacy is important in a relationship—and although it includes sex, it is not limited to it. It also includes trust, communication, sensitivity, and a deep physical and emotional connection. The next several posts will unpack this important issue by discussing the emotional and physical elements of intimacy and how it differs from a man’s and a woman’s perspective. Today’s post will begin with a look at the power of touch.
"Making Touch Meaningful" by Dr. Gary Smalley
Couples need to create emotional bonding times. Keeping the flames of romance alive may not always seem as important as security or meaningful communication, but it is. Consistent positive times of emotional bonding can add tremendous stability to a home. Remaining tender during a trial is one of the most powerful ways to build an intimate relationship.
Touch has the power to instantly calm, reassure, transfer courage, and stabilize a situation beginning to spin out of control. With touch, we push back the threatening shadows of anger, bitterness, loneliness, and insecurity. Romantic touching and hugging can convey peace and comfort, as well as love. To the degree that we employ it with our mate, we remove the emotional threats that block intimacy.
Men nurture a forever marriage by finding out how their wives like to be touched, how often, when, and where.
Meaningful touching outside the bedroom can create sparks in a marriage, and meaningful communication can fan the flames. Most women report that they need to feel emotionally connected to enjoy physical intimacy. They need to feel loved and cherished. They need displays of physical affection, but not necessarily the sex act itself. Men, however, are motivated by the sexual act. They need sexual intimacy and state that physical affection and feeling cherished aren’t always necessary for them to feel sexually satisfied. However, men still need affection and cherishing in the overall relationship.
These are the four elements of marital intimacy:
When used correctly, the differences in the way men and women respond to sex can complement each other. When not taken into consideration, these differences will tear apart the very fabric of your mutual fulfillment. Decide to stop waiting for things to get better. Only the two of you working together toward love will make the intimate difference. Acquire and practice new attitudes and skills that lead to fulfilling relationships.
Pray
Lord, You made marriage, and You created intimacy in all of its representations. Help us each understand each other’s needs and then enable us to satisfy them.
Reflect
Do we have a good balance of intimacy in our relationship, or are we tearing down our marriage by not paying attention to these details?
Respond
Discuss the four elements of marital intimacy outlined in today’s message. What do each of these elements look like for you, and how can you better meet your mate’s needs?
The world may tell you that intimacy means only sex. However, you read today that intimacy is so much more than just sex. It is also connection and touch. This is the part that is most important for a woman. She needs to feel cherished and appreciated, not just someone to sleep with.
Intimacy is a huge, multifaceted issue. In our next post, we will look at some of the challenges men have with intimacy, which you and your spouse can discuss to help you better understand each other.