When there is conflict in a relationship, engaging in a difficult conversation is hard both physically and emotionally. It is much easier to ignore the problem, or worse, talk to other people about the problem. But avoidance is not communication. Learning how to manage conflict is an important communication skill; it will benefit your friendships, your marriage, your family, and your work. But this doesn’t mean you can yell at everyone who bothers you. As a Christian, you must learn to resolve conflicts with love, grace, and mercy, which is the same way Christ deals with you. In today’s message, we’ll explore how to confront someone in God's love, as well as how to be more receptive when someone confronts you.

"Conflict Resolution" by Boyd Bailey

If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over (Matthew 18:15).

Christians tend to skirt conflict. Some perceive it as unspiritual, however Jesus teaches it is spiritual.  Healthy conflict is necessary for relational and spiritual growth. It is required to keep clean accounts with others and stay focused on Kingdom priorities. Conflict resolution can be uncomfortable, but if ignored, it can become ugly, even explosive. 

There are two roles in the beginning stages of conflict resolution. One role is the confronter—the other is the receiver. If you are the confronter, it is critical to communicate the facts of the situation. If you are loose with the truth and cavalier in your confrontation, the situation will worsen—so have the details documented and verified. 

The second critical aspect of the confronter is the spirit of the conversation. Do not inflict an accusatory tone in your voice. You are there in a spirit of reconciliation and healing. Avoid a condescending attitude, as you are a potential candidate for the same concerns you are bringing to your friend. It is with a spirit of humility and grace that you confront. 

“Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted” (Galatians 6:1).

You speak the truth in love. The receiver on the other hand needs to beware of defensiveness, denial and defiance. When confronted, the receiver needs to listen carefully and not interrupt with petty excuses. After hearing out the accuser, the receiver can correct any misconceptions and inaccuracies with a mature and level headed spirit. 

In most cases, the receiver of correction needs to apologize. Nine out of 10 times a sincere apology from the one receiving the rebuke remedies the situation. On the other hand, a combative environment will just escalate the debate into a stalemate. It is better to lose an argument and win a relationship. Treat each other as God does and everyone wins.

If there is not a private resolution, then there is the option of mediation. Mediation can involve one or two additional people. If two more are invited, it is an effective practice for each party to select one person each who is respected by all.  Everyone one should agree that the conclusion of the mediator(s) is the final word. 

To engage with another is to care. To ignore and even gossip about another is betrayal. The mature follower of Christ seeks to lovingly warn others of the consequences of unwise decisions. When you take the time to confront another you could save them from embarrassment and humiliation. Grace gives an opportunity for change. Praise God for those who have done the same for us. We need each other. Confronting now, precludes confrontation later. Diffuse the conflict bomb now and avoid an explosion of egos later. 

Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses (Proverbs 27:6).

Related Readings: Genesis 21:25; Job 6:24; Mark 8:33; Galatians 2:11-13

Pray
Lord, when I have conflict that needs resolution, help me to face it rather than avoid it. Let Your love, peace, mercy, and grace flow through me, and help me to see how You want the conflict resolved.

Reflect
Am I avoiding any conflicts?

Respond
If you have been avoiding or ignoring conflict, first of all, pray. Then seek the counsel of a trusted Christian friend or pastor who can help you find the tools you need to approach and resolve the conflict in a way that mirrors Christ.

Avoiding or ignoring conflict is not healthy communication. Instead, seeking God’s guidance before engaging in difficult conversations, and remembering to temper your words with grace, love, and mercy can help bring resolution more quickly. This technique will help all of your relationships, from friends to coworkers to family members. Family relationships require the most care, however. Because you’re closest to those you live with and love, miscommunication and conflict is much more common. Next time, we’ll take a look at how to diffuse potential blowups with the ones we love.