We start with a disclaimer: We recognize that somebody who admittedly boycotted Valentine's Day may be a peculiar place to start a personal growth plan centered around love.
But here we are, with Amy Carroll batting leadoff.
We felt there was a certain prudence in acknowledging that not everybody comes to a season of romance with the warm and fuzzies that are often associated with this it. Neither did Amy Carroll.
Spoiler alert for younger readers: A vague 1970s and 1980s reference is about to be deployed here.
Not everybody who jumped on "The Love Boat" was looking for romance. Some were dead set against it. Some just wanted a quick trip to Jamaica, and Isaac and Captain Steubing just happened to be heading that way. You can Google it.
But back to Amy Carroll. By the time you finish digesting what this self-proclaimed consummate Southern girl has to say — and we should note she now has a "hunky husband" — you too might want to hop aboard. Or maybe you just want to understand what's got everybody love-loopy. Either way, Amy Carroll is a good place to start.
When You Hate Valentine's Day by Amy Carroll
"The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:17-18, NIV)
I remember the year I skipped Valentine’s Day and created my own personal boycott. I glared at cards and roses in the store as I shopped, snorted at commercials with lovey-dovey messages, turned my head away from couples holding hands and built a wall of protection around my aching heart.
Just months before I stared uncomprehendingly across the table as my first love and fiancé repeated his previous sentence, "I just don’t know if I can be faithful to you for the rest of our lives."
Suddenly, I felt an unfamiliar feeling. Instead of being drawn to this man, I had the overwhelming need to flee. My ears heard my mouth form the words, "Then I guess I can’t marry you," as I stood and walked out of the student union.
In the exhaustion of mid-finals study, my tired mind and thudding heart could hardly grasp what had just happened. Not only had I allowed myself to love deeply and completely, but I was convinced marrying that man was God’s plan for me.
Until that moment. When it all shattered.
Where once I felt loved, I now felt rejected. Where once I felt secure, I felt rocked. Where once I felt sure of my happy future, I now felt lonely and unsure of myself.
The despair lasted for months; the fog just wouldn’t lift. I kept trying to fix things, but the relationship was too broken. Still, I couldn’t seem to move on.
I continued my regular activities with a plastic smile to cover my broken heart. I even went to church and kept going through the spiritual motions, but instead of turning to God for healing, I withdrew inside.
One night, alone in my apartment, I felt God drawing me. At first I resisted. Finally, with a sense of dread (I was convinced God was angry with me for pushing Him away), I lay flat on my bedroom with my face to the floor. Waiting for God’s wrath, I experienced in a way I’ve never felt before or since, the overwhelming, physical presence of God’s love. He surrounded me, enveloped me, comforted me and began healing me.
Maybe you’re facing Valentine’s Day this year without that loving feeling. Maybe you’ve been betrayed by a friend, rejected by someone you love or rocked by a bad romance.
Can I gently remind you of an important truth? A truth that made all the difference to me?
If you are God’s child, you are involved in the greatest love story ever created. Jesus created you, knows you inside and out, and loves you from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. You can celebrate love this year just like everyone else, knowing that you’ve got a deeper understanding than anything that’s advertised or on the shelves in a store.
Twenty-seven years later, I think back to those devastating days with a wry smile. The younger version of myself, who thought that things couldn’t get better, has walked through the hurt into a future that has turned out to be bright — not perfect, but definitely joyful.
Jesus was there through every painful step of those early days of break-up, and He truly used heartbreak to do good things in me. Although I couldn’t see it then, God, in His infinite goodness, was there cupping His loving hands around my broken heart and shaping something beautiful. Even if you can’t see or feel that healing at work, I can confidently tell you He’s doing it for you even now.
God, I come to You shattered and brokenhearted but with a heart full of faith. I believe You not only can heal me but You can turn this despair into joy. You can use my healed hurt to make me more compassionate. I pray You would give me the determination to celebrate Your love story this Valentine’s Day. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Truth for Today:
"The LORD your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." (Zephaniah 3:17, NKJV)
Reflect and Respond:
-- Using the gift of hindsight, write a list of hard circumstances God has lovingly used to shape you.
-- When the opportunity comes, spend time listening to a hurting friend. When the time is right, share one of your stories of hope.
PRAY
Father, we thank You that when we need to know what love is, we need go no further than You. You are love, and we love only because You loved us first. Even when we are discouraged by romance, even when we feel lonely, You are always there, never leaving nor forsaking us. Thank You for guiding us in Your love. In Jesus' Name. Amen.
REFLECT
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." — Psalm 147:3
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." — Psalm 34:18
RESPOND
Good communication is essential to any good relationship, but what happens when men and women take the same words and phrases and get entirely different meanings from them? Mike and Karen Rozenblum help us explore that in our second installment.
