For the past few seasons, I’ve been involved with a group called Young Life. Young life has taught me a very important lesson: It’s called “the right to be heard." Generally, this means that you earn the right to speak truth (or offer opinions, generally) into someone’s life.
I’ve found that in general life matters, people tend to fall into that group (the right to be heard group), or another group, which I call the “I’m going to voice my opinion, because I think what I have to say is important.” This second group frustrates me, a lot.
The second group frustrates me because it overestimates its importance. The second group, generally, does not understand the full scope of a person’s life, so finds it easier just to comment. Because commenting (which often leads to judging), makes the first party feel good. “I’ve got something to say, and I’ve said it.” If you get three or four of this second type together, it’s an outright disaster of opinions, half-formed truths, and a kind of “hit and run” mentality.
The first group, says, “Hey. Is everything alright? I’ve known you for a while, and just wanted to let you know that we are around, should you need any advice, et cetera.” The second group, effectively says this, “Here’s what I think. You should think this, too! Okay, I have to go now – I have more important matters in my life. But, at least I’ve said what I need to tell you… whew!” It’s a hit and run mentality. And it tends to become very passive aggressive.
Here’s the main problem: If you haven’t earned the right to be heard, the person receiving the instruction is probably not paying attention to you – and you risk the chance of harming the friendship or working relationship because, honestly, the person does not regard you as a “trusted source."
A good illustration, would be mission-type trips. Say you are part of team, who flies over in a plane, dropping food off to an impoverished area. That’s great – it’s good work, and you are serving others in deep need. But, who are the villagers going to listen to? You, flying overhead, spewing thoughts on a megaphone? Or the pastor who has lived there for three years, and that they know will be there tomorrow, experiencing both the joys and sorrows with them?
Written by Jimmy Sackel
