Q: Our 3-year-old son is very tall and strong for his age. When he tries to "play" with his 10-month-old sister, he often ends up on top of her, putting her in a bear hug, or head-butting her and she ends up crying. I don't think he's actually trying to hurt her, but I don't know how to explain to him that he's playing too rough with her. Is there a solution to this?
Your son knows he's hurting his sister. He might not have known to begin with, but let me assure you that he's quite old enough to understand after she's cried on several occasions and you've pointed it out.
You should put an end to this now. Stop making excuses for him, stop explaining, and treat this as a discipline problem. The good news is, you don't need to actually punish your son to get this to stop. Simply forbid him from being in the same room with his sister for at least two weeks.
If she's in a particular room, he has to find somewhere else to play. The imposition of a complete quarantine, along with the clear message, "You can't be with her because you make her cry,” will greatly increase your son's desire to be close to his sister. In the meantime, he's going to figure out that if he wants to enjoy that privilege, he has to "be nice" to her. I've recommended this same approach many times, and two weeks is all it takes.
