Jesus said, "That's what I mean: Risk your life and get more than you ever dreamed of. Play it safe and end up holding the bag" (Luke 19:26, The Message)
Why am I doing this? I wondered as I unpacked our towels in the recreation center locker room. I knew the answer: I was lonely. The mommy-and-baby swimming class sounded like a great idea when some women from my hospital's new-mom class had suggested it, but now it sounded awkward and freezing.
I walked out to the pool to join the other moms and babies. I was early, wanting to grab every second of socializing possible. We’d moved to Denver only months earlier, and I’d left many trusted girlfriends behind. Now my heart ached to know and to be known.
I hesitated before approaching the group of moms and started an inner pep talk to myself. Be bold! I said silently. You have a lot to offer! My insecurities countered, Really? It was like being in seventh grade all over again.
Walking up to the group, I found the conversation was focused on how cute the babies were in their tiny swimming suits. Not exactly the deep exchange I was hoping for, but a safe starting place. Obviously, the moms wanted their babies to be noticed. Even though I thought the towel-wrapped person in my arms was the most precious being on the planet, in that moment I wanted to be noticed for me.
I felt the heartache pulling again. I resumed my inner pep talk. You have to be here for anything to happen. You’re not going to make friends at home, alone. Then I squeezed Gabi a little tighter and joined the conversation.
Written by Alexandra Kuykendall
