"NEW DATING BOOK Says Feminism Ruins Relationships, Women Can Stop Men from Cheating," read the headline of the December 8th Fox News article. "First there was the dog whisperer. Then there was the ghost whisperer. Now comes the controversial new dating and relationship guide: The Man Whisperer." I was hooked.
The self-proclaimed feminist authors claim that feminism has made a mess of male/female relationships. "Feminism teaches women that they are equal to men, but when it comes to love, romance, attraction, and chemistry—men don't fall in love with a woman because she is an equal. Men fall in love with women who are their complement: feminine, loving, and appreciative."
I was fascinated. Was Man Whispering just a new face for feminism? A new tool of manipulation? A return to a more biblical relationship model? I simply had to know more! As soon as I could break away from my computer, I braved the 20-degree weather and freezing rain to scurry over to the nearest bookstore in search of this new book, The Man Whisperer. Fifty minutes, three bookstores, and a rain-frazzled hairdo later, I returned in triumph. The next 24 hours of nonstop reading proved to be the most fascinating and horrifying of my adult life.
The Fascinating
The Man Whisperer authors took 236 pages to tell women that being kind, respectful, gentle, supportive, and forgiving will yield far greater results in their relationships than being an argumentative nag. Funny, the Bible says the exact same thing.
Kind: And so train the young women to love their husbands . . . to be . . . kind, and submissive to their own husbands. –Titus 2:4–5
Respectful: Let the wife see that she respects her husband. –Ephesians 5:33
Gentle: Let your adorning be . . . the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. –1 Peter 3:4
Supportive: The LORD God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him." –Genesis 2:18
Forgiving: Be kind to one another . . . forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. –Ephesians 4:32
Nag: It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. –Proverbs 21:9
There has been a consistent trend in the secular relationship community of rediscovering God's design for male/female interaction. Of course, they don't actually recognize it as biblical. But advice like girls not pursuing guys, letting the man be the provider, and being nice to the man you love is all clearly straight out of Scripture. I have to hand it to The Man Whisperer authors—they got it right. Acting like a nice woman (rather than a bossy man) is guaranteed to improve any relationship! There is a general blessing on anyone who practices these truths, but God has something far greater in mind for His daughters.
The Horrifying
Man Whispering Motivation: In the words of the author, "Why should you zip it, let him fix things on his own, stroke his ego, and wait for him to do what he wanted? Quite simply, because it gets you what you want in romantic relationships." There it is. The underlying heart motivation for these good outward actions (kindness, gentleness, respect, etc.) is selfish. Man Whispering is about getting what you want.
This stands in direct contrast to what God has called his daughters to be-true women of the Bible. A True Woman is willing and determined to reflect the beauty and heart of Christ to her world. She seeks to live a God-centered life, trusting Him and saying "Yes, Lord!" in all things. A true woman submits, respects, and loves because of what Jesus Christ has done for her, not what she can gain through her nice feminine behavior.
This is what the Man Whisperer idea missed—femininity is not about self or even about men; it is about God. Wives are called to submit to their husbands, because it reflects the church's submission to Christ (Ephesians 5:22–24). Husbands are commanded to love their wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her (Ephesians 5:25–30).
"God created us male and female precisely so that we could display the glory of His Son (Genesis 1:27, 2:21–22). Our sexuality is designed for the glory of the Son of God. Womanhood and manhood are not an afterthought in God's plan. God designed them precisely so that they would serve to display the glory of Son dying to have His happy, admiring bride" (John Piper, in Voices of the True Woman Movement).
True Woman Motivation: While true femininity, by God's design, brings out masculinity, its primary purpose is not self or another person. True Womanhood is about reflecting God's glory to the world by living in biblical complement to masculinity.
The Difference
The Man Whisperer uses her femininity for her own gain to manipulate her man into acting like a man so she can have the relationship she always wanted.
True Womanhood uses her femininity to bring glory to God, which in turn serves as a powerful call for men to rise up to be who God created them to be: masculine co-bearers of God's glory.
Man Whispering is just another human attempt to have the blessings of God without surrendering to the Lordship of Jesus Christ. It is an effort to implement the biblical model for relationships, but without the power of the Holy Spirit it will always be incomplete. For those who do not have a personal relationship with Christ, Man Whispering is the best they can hope for. They simply do not have the Holy Spirit equipping them to live self-sacrificing, unconditional love-filled, God-glorifying lives.
But for those of you who know Christ, you have a choice. Do you conduct your relationships in your own strength for your own purposes? Or do you rely on the power of the Holy Spirit to love and live through you, so that your relationship brings glory to God? The difference between Man Whisperer and True Woman is total surrender to Jesus Christ. His strength. His relationship. His glory.
Man Whisperer vs. True Woman . . . the difference lies in the motives of our heart.
Who are you . . . Man Whisperer or True Woman?
