The best way to predict future behavior is past behavior.
The definition of insanity is to repeat the same behavior and expect a different result.
You can’t talk your way out of what you behave your way into. You have to "behave" your way out of what you behave yourself into.
Okay, so now I’ve shot out my clichés and principles regarding changing behavior. But I’m going somewhere with this--I promise.
If you and I want to develop real friendships, we’re going to have to do something different. We're going to have to be intentional--take action. Gordon MacDonald taught us that things get done when they get put on our calendar. So how do you put “developing real friendships” on your calendar?
Make a “people plan.” That’s how.
Here’s what I’ve done: In Donald Miller’s original draft of Storyline, he suggested coming up with a cast of characters for our story. I changed it a little, but it’s basically these three “spheres of friendship..."
Intimate friends – People you talk to every day. They know everything about you. Full disclosure. Total love and devotion. In this circle are God and Miriam. That’s it.
Close friends – People you are close to and want to be closer to. You’re going to touch these people each week, give or take. And there can’t be more than 10 names on this list.
Friends – Everyone else. I’d never made a list of friends before. It was gratifying and embarrassing at the same time.
So here’s my people plan: I’m going deep and daily with God and Miriam. Ample time for conversation and companionship. Not going to let anyone or anything get in the way of these two intimate relationships.
I’m going to actively pursue close friendships with the people on my "close friends" list. I’m going to either call or visit two of them each week. I’m putting their names on my calendar for Mondays. And the week’s not going to end without reaching out. These connections are going to be without a purpose or agenda. They’re about "knowing and being known." Getting road miles together. I expect, over the course of the next few months, a couple of these guys will become closer. And a couple will pull away. And that’s o.k.
And on the friends/everyone else list, I’m going to reach out to one of these guys each week. So during the year, I’ll have a "touch" with each friend. When they call me or I call them for something, it doesn’t count. Purely friendship calls don’t have an agenda.
A few weeks ago, I got a call like that from a friend I hadn’t talked to in awhile. It sticks vividly in my mind because 1) I wasn’t expecting to hear from him and 2) it was totally purposeless, except to hear about my life, my kids, my family, my work, my health. It was an awesome experience to get that call. I want to "give" that kind of call to my friends at least once this year.
So…
Are you ready to be intentional about developing real friendships?
