I am 30 years old but I still find what my parents think has too much weight with me. How can I get over this?
The easy and the correct answer is to “grow up and get a life.” Sorry to sound crass. The problem with this common popular phrase is there is great difficulty in the process. Let’s look at both sides: growing up and getting a life.
Your symptom, feeling like you give too much weight to your parents’ opinion is a sign that some growing up has not happened. As Paul says, the time for your parents being “guardians and managers” is for childhood, not adulthood (Galatians 4:1,2).
God wants you to always “honor your parents,” but He does not want you to always obey them. Obedience to parents is for children, not adults. If you are still in the child position then that is getting in the way of God being your parent (Matthew 23:8-10). So, we have to look at the two reasons for still remaining in the child position: not growing up, and not having a life.
Some people stay in the child position with parents because they are either unable to “grow up,” or they are unwilling. Inability to get out of the child role and still want parental approval involves the process of needing something from your parents that you did not get. When there is something you are still looking for like love, acceptance, approval, validation or other ingredients that parents are supposed to give children to prepare them to be adults; you can be stuck waiting for them to finally grant you what you never had. You never really leave and become an adult because you are still waiting for “something.”
The truth is if it hasn’t happened by now, they are probably not able to give you what you want anyway. You have to get those things from the people of God He has surrounded you with. They are to be your new spiritual family, and God gave them to you to help you “grow up in all things” (Ephesians 4:15,16). If you are still waiting for your parents to give you something they cannot give, then it is time to grieve that and get on with growing up.
The next part, “to get a life,” involves faith. God has a plan for you to go out and live. It’s the life that He “grows you up” into. (Ephesians 2:10) But, He does not do this for you. He does His part, but He waits for us to do our part as well. We have to “work out our salvation” (Philippians 2:12,13).
If your parents still have that much power, then you are in the child position, still dreaming of one day having a life instead of getting one. Children dream of what they will one day be or do, and adults go for it. The hard work of faith is this— stepping out of the security of the child position, (where the biggest risk one ever faces is the disapproval of other mere mortals)—and into the risk of living life as a steward of the gifts and talents God has given you (where bigger things are at stake than someone’s approval). At stake is the ultimate wager in the universe—the risk God took in giving you your own talents, abilities, opportunities and resources. The question is, did He make a good investment? It is time to care what He thinks more than what your Mom and Dad think.
