Your son or daughter likely has a decent chance of getting into one of his or her top schools. But because colleges always have more applicants than acceptances, it's also possible your child will not be accepted at that top choice school. And no, it's not the end of the world. God can redeem anything to help his followers open their eyes to new options or learn to trust Him more. Here, then, are some practical tips to help you plan for and recover from a possible rejection:
Tip #1: Know Rejection is Possible
Rejection is always easier to take if it doesn't come out of the blue. As you and your child develop your application strategy, discuss the possibility that he or she might not get into a given school. Treat this as a very real possibility and not an unsaid elephant in the room. No school is a sure thing. Talk about what would happen if a certain school said no. What would the next step be? As you manage your expectations of the search, reiterate to your child that schools have to turn down students because of the sheer amount of applications. It's not personal. It's just reality.
Tip #2: Assess the Chances
While you never know what a school will or will not focus on in the admission process, you can still help your child realistically assess the chances for admission. Encourage your child to compare his or her GPA and/or standardized test scores with what the school requires. Have your student talk to admissions departments about the key factors they use to determine admission. How does your student stack up in those areas? Also, have your child ask probing questions like: "What percentage of admitted students each year have a GPA or ACT score similar to mine?" Looking honestly at tangible statistics is one practical way for students to know what they can reasonably expect.
Tip #3: Have More Than One Solid Option
Don't let your student fall so in love with one school that all your family's eggs are in its basket. Applying to at least three schools is always smart. Then if a late unexpected rejection letter arrives, they are not caught scrambling to apply to another school. (Oh, and it is wise to apply early so those late rejections don't happen at all.) On top of this advice, encourage your student to apply to a range of schools. Looking at GPA and ACT/SAT requirements—and knowing what kind of students a school looks for—puts you a step ahead in knowing the chances. So, maybe your student wants to apply to one school that might be hard to get into with their qualifications. Great. Supplement that with two or three schools where he or she is likely to be accepted and one school that's almost a sure thing.
Tip #4: Be a Model
When it comes to rejection, how can you help your teen the most? By modeling a healthy and godly response to disappointment. After all, actions often say more than words. A good three-part plan: 1) Deal with your own feelings, 2) Mourn the rejection together, and 3) Regroup to take action.
Tip #5: Look to God
From day one of the search, encourage your child to trust that God leads by opening some doors and closing others. God knows his plans for your student—even if you or your child has no clue. During the search, you may want to make this part of daily prayers for the process. Or hold a family Bible study about what God says regarding his will. A good starting place? "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'" (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV).
